When it comes to relationship advice I’m of the philosophy that less is more aka “mind ya business”. However, considering some folk are out here making serious life decisions based on popular Instagram memes, I figured it won’t hurt (much) to throw my two cents in. Here’s my no filter needed take on relationships in the age of abbreviations.
Back in the day (like four months ago) it took kissing a few frogs before you found your prince or princess. Dating required actually leaving the house and having conversation with mouths not thumbs. Granted this worked for centuries but tbh (to be honest) ain’t nobody got time for that anymore. Everything happens in shortened abbreviated form, including starting a new relationship. This is great because the less time spent starting new relationships the more of them you can have. If love is a numbers game then the odds are now in our favor.
Before social mediaships the more dominant person usually decided on when a relationship ended. There were so many “nice” people trapped in bad relationships because they couldn’t make a firm and clear break. This was a tragedy for their love life because staying in a bad relationship can lead to missing out on a real one. Then God (or Apple) invented BLOCKED and ending things became a billion times easier. Now relationships are equal opportunity savagery for all.
3. Snap dat azz up
Keeping things hot in the bedroom has been a challenge for couples since the beginning of bedrooms. All long term (6+ weeks) relationships have to contend with the impending danger of roaming hearteyed emojis. There’s only so much time for giving attention, foreplay, or getting instamodel fine. What once took a lot of effort can now be accomplished in a few short clicks. If bae gets warmed up from hearing nice things from you, no need to have a ten minute phone call, just send a “thinking of you babe” text. Or let’s say bae loves when you walk around the house in your old booty shorts — just slip your phone under the desk and snap some thigh action to let them know you got it on your mind.
4. Issa Red Flag
After a few failed instaships it’s normal to question whether true love still exists. Even the last standing romantics will begin to over analyze every detail of bae’s social media with the slightest evidence of a red flag. Don’t go earning the craybae title by confronting your boo before using some tried and tested social media tools like trolling, polling, and zooming. Gather your squad, split up accounts, ask what they think, and zoom zoom zoom! If after further investigation you find that it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and DMs like a duck then it’s a duck.
5. 99 problems but a bae ain’t one
Single again? No worries, you are only one good meme from announcing your newfound freedom and status to the world. Choose wisely, too petty and you could find yourself benched until cuffing season. Too cool and you might come across like a serial dater. Remember, less is more when it comes to meme selection!
Whether you are single or a #wcw, married or a #mcm, main or side dish, a real one or a duck, there is an upside for having a relationship in the age of abbreviation…just might have to turn your selfie cam on and get comfortable having a good laugh at yourself and of course everyone else. #petty